HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIP

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship but resolving it in the correct manner is what makes your relationships last.

Rather than avoiding or escalating conflicts, mastering the art of conflict resolution can lead to deeper understanding, trust, and intimacy.

Hello dear reader! In this blog, we’ll explore effective strategies to resolve conflicts and nurture healthier relationships. I hope this read will leave you with clarity and courage to resolve your issue.

According to Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann conflicts can be tackled in 5 ways . They developed five conflict resolution strategies that people use to handle conflict, which includes avoiding, competing, compromising, accommodating, and collaborating.

The best way to resolve a conflict out of these five is by using collaborating method where both parties focus on the problem and try to get the best solution irrespective of who wins or loses.

Here, the focus mainly is on solving the issue for the common good.

Below, are listed the steps on how you can resolve a conflict in a relationship.

Enjoy the read.

1. Let the steam blow off

Give it some time. If you try to resolve a conflict when both of you are in a heated argument, it often leads to no resolution.

It is better to maintain silence when you are not in the correct state of mind.

We often say very hurtful things when in an argument just to get the pleasure of winning.

We say things that we do not even mean just for the sole purpose of making the other person feel bad.

But at what cost? At the cost of your relationship?

Many arguments often turn into a battle of ego where the focus is on hurting the other person rather than solving the issue.

Think about it. How many times is it that you and your partner were actually trying to solve the issue together while dealing with a conflict instead of blaming and throwing hurtful bombs at each other.

So, it is better to keep silence, take deep breaths and let the steam cool off before you decide on resolving the issue.

Understand the power of speaking less and use it when you feel like you might say something hurtful that may leave a deep scar on your partner.

You both should calm yourselves down first and then come back to deal with the issue later.

You can also read how to calm down your mind if you like.

2. Directly express your thoughts and feelings

More than often it is seen that your better half is unaware that you are having some problem with his/her actions.

The first way to stop any conflict from getting any further is by talking to them. Be vocal about your likes and dislikes with your partner.

Express your dissatisfaction freely to them.

Let us take for example that you are not getting enough attention from your partner. Instead of letting your partner know about the issue you choose to sulk about it.

It may so happen that your partner may be caught up in some other issue and has no idea that you are craving attention.

If you do not talk this issue out at the right time you may end up feeling neglected and your thoughts may become so negative, that it may result in you misbehaving with your partner.

So, it is always better to let your feelings out rather thsn spooning them inside and making life difficult for both of you.

3. Select the appropriate time and location for resolving conflict

Again, when you choose to let your feelings out, do so at the correct time and place. I always make it a point not to address an issue before someone is going to drive or is going for duty.

This may result in some ugly scenarios. You have the power to potentially affect the mood of your partner and you should use this power wisely.

When addressing a conflict try and see if the situation and place are correct or not. You are no toddler that you can’t control yourself and that your dissatisfaction needs immediate attention.

Think about your partner when you are going to address the issue.

Check if he/she is comparatively free and is not dealing with any stressful situation at the moment.

Remember, the goal is to resolve the issue and not to irritate or hurt your partner.

So, always always remember to choose the time and place correctly otherwise letting it all out may lead to a bigger issue and may bring bitterness to your relationship.

There is hardly any conflict that cannot be solved by having a good conversation. All you need is the right time and place and patience from both ends.

I remember during my college days how I used to wait for my boyfriend’s exams to get over so that I could pour all of my complaints to him.

We would have long discussions on that day as he and I both had the time to spare. I kind of liked those discussions too as I used to pour my heart out and rant about all things at that time.

He too used to shower me with all the affection and care in this world now that he had the time. I take this as one of the major factors contributing to my 11-year-long relationship with him.

4. If you want to resolve a conflict, focus on the problem instead of blaming your partner

FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM! So often while addressing a conflict we tend to focus on everything else except the problem. It often turns into a blame game.

Do not turn this into who did what and who is responsible for what.

Try and talk like mature people. Try to focus on what the real issue is.

Taking my previous example where you might be feeling neglected, the issue was that you were not getting enough time from your partner.

You could either blame your partner for not being caring and loving.

You could even go to the extent where you put a finger on his/her character and blame them saying that he/she does not have the ability to handle a serious relationship.

Or, what you could do is focus on the problem. The problem is that you are not getting enough attention and time that you need not that he/she is casual.

For your partner, what he or she is giving you may be enough. You need to make them aware that your needs are not quite being met.

This way you allow your partner to know what is affecting you so much and you both can now be on the same page and focus on resolving the issue together.

5. Be open-minded when your partner is trying to resolve a conflict

When trying to resolve a conflict be as open-minded as possible. PREJUDICE is the murderer of empathy.

When you are open-minded you understand the perspective of your partner.

Staying rigid on your belief and your story can lead to sourness in your relationship. Both of you need to be open-minded so that you can make the other person feel heard and valued.

What is a relationship where your opinions don’t clash? It is a very common thing for that to happen as you both are two different individuals who have lived life and seen life in your unique ways.

We cannot expect the other person to think and act alike always.

(PS : this point is a bit longer than the rest as I feel it needs more explanation. I hope you will be able to read it patiently till the end.)

The important thing is to be able to receive their sense of right and wrong as open-mindedly as possible.

This will allow you to see things from a different angle and to your sweet surprise, you may also find your partner’s POV more appealing than yours at times.

You see, there is no absolute RIGHT or WRONG in this world. It is but purely a subjective matter.

So, what may be right for you may not be for your partner.

Be open and willing to listen to their side of the story. Be receptive to their opinions and feelings about the situation. More than often, their rebellion may be coming from a place of hurt.

You may also want to read how to become a better listener which will help you listen to your partner without judgment.

Did you know that people behave irrationally and ridiculously when they are hurt?

They often blame you or may get angry with you for no logical reason at all.

But it is just that they are hurt. Plus, you cannot expect a person to be on their best behavior when they are hurt.

They may say things that will get on your nerves. Often, we try to hurt the person who has hurt us. So, if your partner is trying to hurt you step back and think for a minute what you must have done to hurt them.

6. Practice empathy and forgiveness

At the end of the day, all that anyone ever needs is love. Believe that love has the power to heal even the most wrecked soul.

And this is your partner we are talking about. Your lover, your heart!

Have so much love for them in your heart that empathy and forgiveness is just the by-product.

I understand that when trying to resolve a conflict, loving your partner is the last thing on your mind, still you need to have a bit of control over your emotions and always be empathetic towards them.

When you listen to their side of ranting and whining listen to them with empathy.

Forgive them if they are truly sorry about something that they might have done that hurt you.

There will be so many ups and downs in a relationship. And of course, there will be times when you will feel disappointed and hurt by your partner’s action.

If they are trying to make an effort to mend it, try to forgive them. EFFORT IS EVERYTHING!

Practice having empathy for them and let yourself loose and forgive them.

We are all humans and mistakes are part of our journey.

(PS: this forgiveness is not extended to domestic violence or physical abuse or mental abuse case)

7. Take responsibility if that is what is needed to resolve the conflict

Finally, there is no harm or shame in owning your mistakes.

If you feel that you have done something wrong like lying to your partner, acting stupid and not listening to them, taking up the responsibility can only make it better.

When you know you are wrong and are getting a bit of scolding for it try and accept it.

Take full responsibility of your doings instead of trying to blame someone else for it.

When you don’t own your mistakes even when you know them, it will create a rift in your relationship which can be beyond repair at times.

It will portray you as a fraud in your partner’s eyes.

Take responsibility for your mistakes if you think you have done any and give your partner the validation, they are seeking from you.

It is quite possible to stay with a person who has many flaws but is willing to accept it and work on them.

But it is next to impossible to stay with one who takes no charge of his/her doings. It would be like staying with a baby who is always blaming the world for its broken toy.

That is all I have t say about how you can resolve a conflict in your relationship. I hope you will use these methods and that it may help you build a stronger bond with your partner.

Thank you and have a peaceful day ahead!